Saturday, September 30, 2006

R u aware of it?














What comes to ur mind when u read these two words?!

FATE & FREE WILL


They seem unimportant … or shouldn't be paid that much attention…
But this is not true…. Because their synonymy will show u how important they are, and why should we understand them..

** Fate: means it meant to be, and u have nothing to do with it, or change it…

** Freewill: it is up to u, ur choice, ur decision to change or ignore..

How????

First, I will tell u my story with these two concept…

I have always heard of those words since I was a child, and whenever a problem or crisis happened my mom used to say it is fate or " hatha almktoob " , " hatha algdr" or " gdr allah wa masha2 f3l" and no body could stop it …
Such as: death, crisis……

So I believed that it is unchangeable, and we have to wait god's help to solve it…

However, freewill, it is in our hand, either yes or o, I do or I do not , agree or disagree, accept or reject ….

Also, most of the phrases I hear are " it is up to u ", " kaifch " , " hatha grarch = this is ur decision".. and no body can choose on my behalf …such as my future, career, husband, major, …..so on.

And to continue what I have started in the first paragraph about hearing these words all the time, however I never understood it clearly. Until, I took a course last summer with the most gorgeous, great, kind, respectful, considerate professor I have ever met, Dr. Lamees Al-bustan, it was " literature and drama class"….. I know u are asking ur self what does this class has to do with the words, and the answer is , we studied Oedipus tragedy where we had to answer the question " did Oedipus had the freewill to kill his father and marry his mother, or it is his fate?" …. So, she ( lamees) had to clarify and explain these concepts in order to be able to answer the question, in that moment i was aware and able to debate , discuss the meaning of the words.

**I have learnt that every words has a meaning and a sense , no matter how simple it is….

To sum up, most of the time ppl keep saying we had nothing to do with it, and it was meant to be … plz stop saying that in every single trouble or problem u face, because it is a cheap and un-civilized way to escape facing the truth … so when some body failed in a course , he\she will blame the fate , but who r u fooling dude? !!!

Posted by felicityq8 at 4:51 PM | | Comments

Monday, September 25, 2006


mr7ba all ...

well, i think as they always said " a picture worths thousand words"

****location : next to shwaikh faculty ....

*****time : 3z al `9hr 2,30 p.m :(

as u can see from the arrows , two cars stopped in the middle of the street, just to curse each other... ok then what , are u gonna win some compitition, a medal or a world cup??
come on ppl,, it was the first day of Ramadan, keep fasting, turn the AM radio and listen to Quran.... be patient
plz plz stop acting like kids, or showing ur muscels ...
wallah i hate this attitude :(

Posted by felicityq8 at 4:08 PM | | Comments

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

What my " F " letter stands for??





When you got hurt by someone who
you care of, love and appreciate,
it will be the biggest dilemma and
most horrible thing to be done by him\her

you will have two choices either to


" FORGIVE ..........OR ............FORGET "

however both choices are difficult and uneasy to achieve
because to forgive you have to be
strong ,forgetful, faithful, and trustful.

But when you decide to forget –him\her-

You will live the rest of your life questioning how could you desert them,

Questioning wither it was
A good , correct thing to do.. you will live in doubts, and fears of this step, asking your self " was it the right thing to do" ….

Posted by felicityq8 at 2:51 PM | | Comments

Thursday, September 14, 2006

كلمة..

" يا لها من دنيا "


بما ان اليوم كان الخميس و عطلة ..كنت طالعة طلعة عائلية للبحر بنية اننا نستانس و نقضي يومنا بضحك و وناسة...لكن للأسف صار شي كدر يومي كله ..

اللي صار ان وحده من البنات كانت حيل قريبة مني , قعدنا نسولف و نتذكر ايام الثانوية و العبط و التهريب ,نتذكر ابلاتنا و سوالف الحب و الاعجاب...كنا نضحك على اتفه السوالف ..استمر هالحال تقريبا ساعه...لما الله يهداها "م" قالت كلمة و ذكرتني بشئ كانت تدري اني ما احب هالطاري و اني اذا سمعت هالكلمة اتضايق و اتكدر و توصل لحد البجي ...

صراحة من وقت اللي صار الى الحين طافت 9 ساعات و انا اسال نفسي ليش سوت جذي؟ كانت تقصدها ؟و الا قالتها بشكل عفوي؟

تعبت من كثر التفكير ...

بعد ما قالت اللي قالته سحبت نفسي و اخذت اعز صديقين كتابي و كامرتي ..قعدت جبال البحر ..اشكيله و احاول القى منه جواب للي
صار...و طلعت مني هالخاطره..

was taken by me..while i was writing my "semi-poem"


من الصعب ان تتقبل الاساءة او الكلمة الجارحة من الاخرين ...ولكنك تستطيع تجاوزها او حتى تجاهلها

ولكن المصيبة ان تأتيك هذه الكلمة من شخص عزيز, صديق, قريب ,حبيب
شخص كنت تثق به, تحبه, تعطيه ولا تأخذ منه , تفتقده
ولا تعرف معنى الامان الا بوجوده ....

ومهما كانت تفاهة او سخافة هذه الكلمة الا انها ستبقى جرحاً لن يندمل ...
آآآآآآآه ........هي هذه الجملة - نعم اسميها جملة و ليست مجرد احرف - سترددها كلما تذكرت هذا الحبيب, او عندما يذكر اسمه امامك,
سترددها كلما احسست بالوحده و الخوف, عندما لا تجد حولك من تشكي له همومك ,
او من تستنجد به عندما تقع في مأزق او مصيبة,
سترددها عندما لا تجد من تأخذ رأيه في ابسط الامور ...


يا لها من حياة شاقة تلك التى ستقضيها وحيداَ من دونه
ويا لها من حياة لا تجد فيها من تثق به او تتخذه صديقاً وفيا , لا تكون للمصلحة مكاناً في باله...

ويا لها من دنيا تبحث فيها عن من يشعر بك , يقرأ ما تكتبه عينيك من كلمات عتاب, شوق, حب, وحنان

آآآآآآآآآآآآآآآآه ..........


Posted by felicityq8 at 2:24 PM | | Comments

Wednesday, September 13, 2006





The sacrifice of Love is to:

"Let go of the person you love, thinking they deserve and may find better options"


OR

"Let go of your fun time and start working extra hard to be that person that they deserve"

Posted by felicityq8 at 3:42 PM | | Comments

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

speechless !!




Donot ever think of hurting a woman, coz as soon as u do so, the thing happened above, might happen to u ;)

Posted by felicityq8 at 1:01 PM | | Comments

what do u think?

Your Blog Should Be Green
Your blog is smart and thoughtful - not a lot of fluff.You enjoy a good discussion, especially if it involves picking apart ideas.However, you tend to get easily annoyed by any thoughtless comments in your blog.

Posted by felicityq8 at 12:42 PM | | Comments

Monday, September 11, 2006

between TWO words!!!






long time ago, when I was a young girl- till now-, trying to avoid an issue.. which I guess all girls did and still do the same thing… I don't know what the reason is ……. is it the fear of the unknown future, or the unknown person, or the fear of the wrong choice and decision which we have to take …

I am not talking about a decision on a career, or a promotion … or even buying a house or a car..

No …… no…..i know , I have been talking mysteriously .. but i am trying to let u think with me, and put ur self in a situation where u are afraid of the decision that will definitely change ur whole life, ur life as being a single…which as soon as u say "I DO" , will turn into a couple life….a life which u have a partner, a second side to share, care, and think of….

******* Yes I do………………. No , I donot

If you said NO, I DONOT" ………. till when ur NOs will be listened to . … till u r over 28-30………ok there maybe a small chance for u,, but not compared to the ones u had when u were in ur twenties…….

If "YES",,,,,,,, are u sure???? …….. is he MR. right…….is he ur charming prince………. The one with the white horse………ok…..ok … I believe that I am letting my imagination going on and on ,,,,,,however it is not my fault….it's Hollywood romantic movies , plus 3beer's novels !!!

Are you asking ur self, why the hell she brought up this issue?

Because
Because

Because………. Iam in an unstable state of mind…. I am confused between 2 extremely important words………….YES …….NO…….

Yeah, u got it……… 2 days ago ,some one has proposed… he is almost perfect……..and the flaws that encourage me to say NO are few…..not really few….but there are not any…
I know I am still young to get married, I am 20 going 21 on March…. nevertheless , the thing that stopping me from saying no is……well ….are, kids, family, love, and finding my half part, or my soul mate…

Am I acting as a kid??..... that is what mom says about me….. i do not blame her, coz she want to see her eldest daughter wearing white, holding and being hugged by a caring, considerate husband……

When I go shopping and I see a happy family, their children playing around them, and every body is smiling and having a good time, I wish them the best, and I wish that one day I will have exactly what they are having…… I love kids, I love to be a mom and a wife, I wish to have my own family….


This is it for now, I will go and pray ist5ara ….and I will let u know of my decision…






Posted by felicityq8 at 5:26 PM | | Comments

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Fountain of LOVE


These coming stanzas were being written at 3, 44 AM ,,,and i was in a very "moody mood" , so forgive my spelling, grammar mistakes ;) ...also, forgive my bad handwriting on the image i uploaded with this post :)


You…….You…..You

It is always you

but, who are you?



let me guess...

You are not a holy person

because a holy person never does mistakes

however you did it once

************

You are not an angle

because angles never hurt lovers

however you did it once

*************

Are you asking " when did I hurt you ?


when….. when...........Do u really want to know?

when u let me falling in love with you

and never tried to stop me

never slapped me,... and awaken me

never showed me the truth

*******

yes…… the truth about your mysterious persona

about the soul inside you…

about the sincere feelings

about the heart you hide behind

**********

Beloved, it is too late to blame

too late to talk, and finger points ..

it is a FATE more than a FREEWILL.

We have to accept our destiny

***************

And believe me darling

If we are destined to be together

No one can prevent it

Even lords, kings, masters or ourselves.


********************

But keep these coming words in your mind


That, " I loved you once"

And I will never ever stop this love fountain from flooding forever.











Posted by felicityq8 at 3:06 PM | | Comments

Friday, September 08, 2006



I have always heard of MALCOM X, and the only thing I know about him, that he was an active black American Muslim…

Till last Tuesday , when I watched a movie on ONE channel,the title was " Malcolm x" it was directed by spike lee, and the hero was Denzel Washington .At first, I did not pay it any attention but when the story started to be complicated and the movie reached it's climax, I jumped to my room , picked up a paper and a pencil , started to write and act as a Hollywood critic ;).

Malcolm x ...

Denzel ...who acted the role of Malcom x..

Below, are the points that I commented on the movie, wither positively or negatively:

1- the whole theme was about "Nigros" , racism , and covering under the name of Islam to solve blackness issues ..

2- after watching the movie, I knew that Malcolm x was a thief. And he was in jail when he converted Islam.

3- Most of the speeches Malcolm did, was about Aiga Mohammed , and the thing which I did not like was , every one including Malcolm him self, that they were seeking Aiga's satisfaction, but not ALLAH's .

4- There was a scene which I liked, when Malcolm had the complete control over Americans and officers, and all that was under the name of Islam, so that means Islam was dominated back then .

5- Also, there was a scene, when a young man came to Malcolm, and said I want to be a Muslim, however x did not pull him right away to Islam, but he asked him " do u know what is Islam", and the boy did not have the perfect answer, so Malcolm asked him to leave. It means something about true Muslims.

6- When x had his first daughter he called he " 36a Allah", means ALLAH's gift.. I was surprised that they knew Arabic words such " atta= 36a= gift" .

7- I noticed that Aiga Mohammed never talked publicly in the movie .

8- I hated Malcolm's attitude toward the white girl, when she offered her services to help him in supporting his case ( Islam), he said we do not need ur help, and left her in shock . though she said " I 'm not prejudice, unlike my ancestors", so she clarified the way she thinks how unfair her parents and grandparents were.
9- In a public speech, x said that the only solution for our case , is the complete separation between white and black.. I find that an exaggeration. Beside his main aim was the black issue , but not Islam..

10- I did not understand a phrase which said by Aiga Mohammed, it was " there will be no more after me" , I think he considered him self as a prophet , or a messenger ?!

11-What a great, unbelievable, peaceful scene, when Malcolm x visited Mecca, and did Al -hajj … and I was in total shock, when he recited ALFAT7A..

12-His visit to Mecca , enlightened him and showed him the right path, the right way to control and support his case.

13-Did not understand it, when his wife did not wear her Hijab, which she put it from the beginning of the movie.. does that mean she is losing faith?

14- denzel did great job when he acted as malcolm, he imitated every single thing which x would do.

15- i was wondering about places denzel went to in movie, such as Mecca, jbal 3rfat, and he entered mosques.. were all of that real ?!

Well, those were my comments on the movie which i have always heard of it's hero...

later;)

Posted by felicityq8 at 3:10 PM | | Comments

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

experts ....u r welcome



hi there...again

well, this post is being posted because i am askig ur help, experience in cameras.... ya

coz i have just lost my beloved babe :( .... i mean my dear camera ... and i am still in pain and misery due to losing it..

it was Cannon power shot A 530... it was ok....






but as long as i am buying a new one,, i need ur suggestions and advice...

i need a digital camera , which is similar to the profissonals but not the one used by prof., i ment the quality and vibration...

***i am thinking of Nikon p3 and p4 ...

ANY SUGGESTIONS ?????? .....waiting u ;)

Posted by felicityq8 at 7:20 PM | | Comments

Life is never Fair




love.....love...love......... why it is all about love...???



can u define " love"?? is it u loving ur mom, dad, bro and sis,,,, or ur sweetheart...wife...husband..??

well, u can love whoever u wanna love,,, but u have to keep in mind the day when u LOSE them,,,u should be prepared for their upsence..

that is why i'm writing this post.. i have been through a really sad inccident today, which i donot wish to have one in my whole life.. it is about my friend who has just lost her mother in an car accident... ok ok , u will say that is is ok , and it could happened to any one.... but the touching side in her story that , 5 minutes before she lost her mom, they were having that great conversation , which a mom could have with her daughter..

the conversation took place at one of kuait's malls, they were doing shopping, having fun, never thought that this will be the last time they are together....

my friend was telling me that her mom felt that she is gonna die any minute, because she ( the mom) was advising her girl, talking to her like they willlnot have any more conversation.. the mom was giving her babe a notes, lessons for life, coz she knew that she is not going to be around her gurl....

so, that is why , I keep picking, searching and try TO NOT LOVE any person who is passing through my life, so i donot WAIT, OR SURPRISED with the day i lose her/him..


** below is a poem i wrote, when i was thinking of my friend'd tragedy...




i donot want to love u

so i donot lose u

****

u made my life with u easy

so donot go and leave me in dizzy

*******

i forget the world when u r around

so donot go and leave me in wound

*****

hold my hands forever

so i donot get astray forever

Posted by felicityq8 at 3:14 PM | | Comments

Tuesday, September 05, 2006



ولا تزعل ولا تتعب شعورك...ولا تاخذ على خاطرك مني
ابتأسف الين ارضي غرورك...واقول اني مقصر غصب عني...
------------------------------
يا بعدهم كلهم..يا سراجي بينهم ...عطني من دنياك حبك..واترك الباقي لهم...

---------------------------


قله وفقه ربي بغيري..واني رحت في شري و خيري..له مصيره و لي مصيري..لا يعلقني بدربه
قله اللي وصلني منه يكفيني عمر..كيف يبرى طعن سكين الغدر..قله كان لي عنده قدر..لا تلاقينا امام الناس يسلم

..لا يبين لاي احد انه متالم...لا يخلينا حكايه ...كفايه ...ما جرى منه كفايه

----------------------------------------------
اعذريني يا الهدايا..لو هملتك بالزوايا ...ما ني متحكل اشوفك ..و اللي جابك مو معايا..
اللي جابك وينه عني..يا ترى زعلان مني..ما دري اني في غيابه كم شكيته للمرايا..
اعذريني يا الهدايا
راح و خلاني لحالي ...شفت و ايش سوى بحالي...خبريني و يش اسوي...لو عشق قلبه سواياقولي لو هو حب غيري...
وش يكون اسمع مصيري..غير اموت انا بمكاني و اترك الدنيا ورايا.....
-----------------------------

غبت يوم وعذرناك و بولهنا انتظرناك..يالله ارجع كفاية...بصراحه فقدناك
يعني ما صاحت اذنك...ما بكى الشوق منك...ما صرخ يوم حزنك ...لحظة اللي طريناك
--------------------------------
فمان الجرح يا ذيك السوالف بعد ما خانت ضنوني ضنوني...
------------------------------
اهتم فيني ...حط بالك عليا ..سكني بروحك و عينك و قلبك
حافظ على اهل القلوب الوفيه...مو كل يوم تلاقي واحد يحبك..
لو قلت لك زعلان جبلي هدية..لو قلتلك ما ابيك قولي احبك..
قلبي طفل و يحب يلعب بقلبك..
... ..
--------------------------------
هاك كلي ..ضمني لك..احتويني حنيه...
انا من لي ...شوف عينك...غير دربك...
ذلني.....
----------------------
تنتظر كلمة احبك ...شايفك مشغول فيها...كل شي بوقته حلو...ليه مستعجل عليها
واوعدك كلمة احبك منها ما يمل قلبك...انتا بس طولي بالك ..كل شي بوقته حلو..يا حلو
..

Posted by felicityq8 at 3:11 PM | | Comments

Monday, September 04, 2006

Need you guys...







help....help.....

any one who knows a house in `3rna6ah or one of the nearest areas for sale plz plz plz , let me know.....

it must be a big one, recently built ( 2-3 yrs ).... in front of the street,,,, with a dewaniah,,, atleast 2 floors... a garden or a yard,,and parkings...

p.s: some of the points above can be eliminated ...




مطلوب بيت (للشراء)..في منطقة غرناطة او المناطق المجاورة
يكون كبير نسبيا...عالشارع....تم بناؤه حديثا( بين 2-3 سنوات)..مع وجود ديوانية...عالاقل طابقين ...مع وجود
مواقف للسيارات و حديقة او واجهه
يمكن الاستغناء عن احد الشروط السابقة.......
لاي استعلام او خبر يرجى ارسال ايميل او تعليق ...
thanx for ur help,,, guys

Posted by felicityq8 at 2:38 PM | | Comments

Sunday, September 03, 2006

ladies.....choose




المرأه آله موسيقيه فأي الآلات أنتِ؟ لكل آله موسيقيه مميزاتها كذلك المرأه لكل منهن طابعها ونغماتها وسحرها وكم أنه لا يوجد موسيقار يجيد العزف على جميع الآلات الموسيقيه كذلك لايوجد من ينتصر على كل امرأه في كل معركه
.من النساء من تشبه (الناي) نحيلة القوام متأججة العواطف مسرفة الخيال تتوق للموسيقي البارع الذي يبث فيها الحياه لتستجيب له وتسمعه أعذب ألحانها.وهناك المرأه التي تشبه (الطبل) انها المرأه الشرسه لايمكنك التفاهم معها الا بالدق على دماغها وتعاملها بحزم لتدب فيها الحياه ويدوي صوتها عاليا ولكنها لاتخلو من ميزات أهمها الصبر على
المتاعب التي تجلبها
ومنهن المرأه (البيانو) المرهفه التي تتصدر الصالونات ولا تنتقل من مكانها الا بحساب وهي لا تذهب اليك ولا تبحث
عنك ولكنها تحملك على البحث عنها والجلوس بين يديها وتستمع لها ليست فائقة الجمال ولكنها واسعة النفوذ في عالمها ويكفيها فخرا أنها أوصلت عشاقها مرتبه عاليه
ومنهن (القربه الموسيقيه) التي لاتخرج أنفاسها الا اذا امتلأت بالهواء فاذا خلت منه انكمشت فهذه المغروره بجمالها يعيش قلبها على المديح ولا تعيش الا في الجو الذي تظهر به نفختها الكذابه
وهناك من تشبه (الكمنجه) الرقيقة المزاج التي تشبه الدمعه الغاليه لا تستطيع أن تعزف عليها وتسمعك سحر ألحانها
الا اذا حملتها على ساعدك برفق ولمست بحنان أوتار قلبها لترسل لك الألحان المفعمه بالحنان والحب ولاتنسى أن تعيدها الى العلبه المخمليه التي أخرجتها منها لئلا يصيبها العطب
وأصعبهن مراسا (القانون) ولكن من ميزاتها أنها متعدده الألوان والآفاق
.
ومنهن (الجيتار) لا تطيق الكلام طويلا بل تكتفي بعبارات مقتضبه فيشعر المستمع بما تنطوي عليه من غموض ساحر
.
ومنهن من تشبه (العود) تحتاج دائما الى من يحنو اليها ويعاملها برفق كي تستجيب له انها مثال المحبوب الناعم الذي زعم أن قطرات النسيم تجرح خديه والويل للزوج الذي لا يقيم لعواطفا وزنا
ومنهن ( النفير) الذي لا يكف العازف عن النفخ فيه حتي ينقطع نفسه وزوجها يتبرم على أي حال ولا يربطه بها الا خشية من أن يتزوج بأخرى تكون شر منها.
i knew the type of women i belong to....
so, what kinda woman you are???

Posted by felicityq8 at 6:24 PM | | Comments

Saturday, September 02, 2006




بوح مشاعري



هذه بضع كلمات كنت تدور في خاطري..صففتها ...نظمتها ..لتكون جملا قصيرة..ارسلها لشخص عزيز انشده فيها الرأفة و الرحمة..اطلبه العودة الى احضان من احبه و اعزه...لتتحول سنوات الشقاء ..الى دهور من السعادة و الفرح
...
لا ادري ما هي هذه المشاعر التي تجتاح عواطفي
ما سرها و مكنونها...و لماذا في هذا الوقت بالتحديد؟
هل لانني اشتاق اليك..اتحرى طيفك البهي...
هل لانني استرق النظر... علني اراك واقفا امامي .. مادًا لي يدك التي لطالما كانت هي الحانية
..


لماذا اطلت البعاد و الفراق....ليس انت من يهجر الاحباب ..
ليس انت نفسه الانسان الذي علمني الحب و الرحمه والرأفة بقلوب الاحبة
اين... اين انت؟..اين ديارك..اين ارضك..
اجبني...قلي..
تاكد انني سأاتيك راكضة ..و قلبي تملأه اعاصير الشوق و اللقاء

اتسالني اذا ما اشتقت اليك؟؟؟,,هل تتحرى جواباً؟؟
انت الوحيد الذي يملك اجابة لسؤالك هذا..
ايام و ايام ..اسابيع و شهور.. مرت و كأنها لم تمر..
ضاق الكون بوسعه علي...لحظة فراقك
..
ذبلت حبيبتك ... لقد فقدت الابتسامة التي طالما حييتك بها
عد لي حبيبي...واطفأ نار الحرمان التي ملأت قلبي...
عد لي لتحضنني بين احظان لم اشأ ان افارقها ....
FELICITYQ8

Posted by felicityq8 at 3:02 PM | | Comments

Friday, September 01, 2006

The end ...



As I said before it wasn't a happy ending,, coz 3 weeks ago ,he was asking the no. again and I said no , then I changed the subject, with a smile, but he took it as an offence, however I did not mean it… so we talked, argued , and kinda turned to a fight and all that was on msn,, then he said we are not meant to be together ,coz every time I talk to u , u take it as a big joke. SO, bye bye ….. I did not say anything , except, take care and bye bye…..unconsciously I cannot deny that I was in shock, and my heart was bleeding , coz for sure i will MISS him, and miss our old days, when we used to talk, laugh, discuss things, choose certain topics.. even when he asked my opinion about his paintings…


He was and STILL someone special , coz he never hurt me or even tried to….maybe he does not know, that every time I saw him online, I was happy, even if he was away… sometimes I did not feel like wanna log on, but for him I leave every thing behind just to have minutes with him…

Are u asking " I did not trust him?", I did trust him and still…..coz he knew many things about me, some are personal, others are general… however, it is not a matter of trust, but rather a fear of the unknown , or a fear of the future of this relationship. …


****Yes I call it a relationship coz of :

1- it took 3 years to build up this relationship ..
there was a development of feelings and emotions.. 2-
3- I took it seriously, though I was laughing a lot…
4- sometimes when he did not log on for more than 2 days, I felt like missing him , and wanna call him to ask wither he was fine or not..
5- it was based on honesty, trustiness , friendship.
6- I never took it as a joke or something nonsense..
7- both of us never tried to took advantage of both sides ( him and i).. 8- and the main reason to call it a relationship, that I miss him, which means that there is a feeling toward him.…


i can make contact with him, coz he is a well-known person, beside i still didn't remove him from my msn list, maybe because i still have faith the he will come back again. Who knows,,… but the problem is that I do not have the guts to do so, and I need some one to push me , but I did not tell anyone about the whole matter…

Indeed, I have just realized that I was "in love" with him long time ago and it was unconsciously, I mean I did not feel it , till I lost him… I do regret it, but I have my own explanation that I already mentioned above…

This is my tragedy, cannot be compared with others', but for me it is a real hurt, that will be always hidden in my heart….



***These honest words are for you (S).. I am really sorry if I hurt u one day, and if I did so, make sure that it was not in purpose.. forgive my childish actions, and my innocent jokes, which were not in the right time or context…

Yours …

****





" catching hope"

Posted by felicityq8 at 6:24 PM | | Comments

An end of a story!!! part (1)





I have thought and hesitated many million times before writing and publishing this post, not because it is personal, but because i needed help, and i still need it. It is my first and only real "love" story that happened to me, and i am telling u the truth, that the end of this 3 years love story was sad and tragic, and the main reason was my DIGNITY and pride , plus other reasons which i will mention later.

It started at the end of 2002… I wasn't really prepared to such a feeling or a beginning of as I called it , an " unknown ending relationship", coz my main aim on the internet is to learn and teach, and nothing further, which means no place or time to have or make any kind of love stories…. So, one day I was in one of English teaching rooms, where I was an instructor of English with my friend, and there were a group of English learners, and HE was one of them, in the beginning he was shocked that I am a Kuwaiti girl, and I am a teacher, and that was the beginning of the story… we exchanged e-mails, and nothing more.. from the little cheat chat we did , I knew that he is a Kuwaiti student, studies dentistry at UK ….. any ways , whenever I am online or he is, we say hi and talk about latest things that are happening…. And that lasted till last year when he started to ask me my phone number…


I know what are u gonna ask…. Did I or did not I ??? …. Well, I did not, and I told him, don't ask me again coz there is zero chance to give it to u…but he never gave up,, and whenever I am online he kept asking it, and he never being despaired – between u and I – I liked it, sometimes I think that he really wanted me…..honestly, I felt and still feeling that I was cruel, harsh and rough with him , because of the zillion times I said NO to his request….i was not selfish, and u cannot blame me, I was thinking of my family , my mom and dad, and their trust which they gave me,, I cannot do any thing behind their back, that wasn't the way I was raised up …but at the same time, there was that inner voice that told me to do it and give him my # just to see what he wanted…

Anyways, days and months, then he is back to Kuwait, where he insisted and insisted on the # , and I kept saying no way, stop it, do not even think about it… then he asked to see me, I said the usual answer , NO, but in a genteel, kind way, which was in changing the subject into a funny one, so he could forget the idea… …. However, that does not mean that I am happy with what I am doing…

to be continued ....

Posted by felicityq8 at 5:39 PM | | Comments