The end ...
As I said before it wasn't a happy ending,, coz 3 weeks ago ,he was asking the no. again and I said no , then I changed the subject, with a smile, but he took it as an offence, however I did not mean it… so we talked, argued , and kinda turned to a fight and all that was on msn,, then he said we are not meant to be together ,coz every time I talk to u , u take it as a big joke. SO, bye bye ….. I did not say anything , except, take care and bye bye…..unconsciously I cannot deny that I was in shock, and my heart was bleeding , coz for sure i will MISS him, and miss our old days, when we used to talk, laugh, discuss things, choose certain topics.. even when he asked my opinion about his paintings…
He was and STILL someone special , coz he never hurt me or even tried to….maybe he does not know, that every time I saw him online, I was happy, even if he was away… sometimes I did not feel like wanna log on, but for him I leave every thing behind just to have minutes with him…
Are u asking " I did not trust him?", I did trust him and still…..coz he knew many things about me, some are personal, others are general… however, it is not a matter of trust, but rather a fear of the unknown , or a fear of the future of this relationship. …
****Yes I call it a relationship coz of :
1- it took 3 years to build up this relationship ..
there was a development of feelings and emotions.. 2-
3- I took it seriously, though I was laughing a lot…
4- sometimes when he did not log on for more than 2 days, I felt like missing him , and wanna call him to ask wither he was fine or not..
5- it was based on honesty, trustiness , friendship.
6- I never took it as a joke or something nonsense..
7- both of us never tried to took advantage of both sides ( him and i).. 8- and the main reason to call it a relationship, that I miss him, which means that there is a feeling toward him.…
i can make contact with him, coz he is a well-known person, beside i still didn't remove him from my msn list, maybe because i still have faith the he will come back again. Who knows,,… but the problem is that I do not have the guts to do so, and I need some one to push me , but I did not tell anyone about the whole matter…
Indeed, I have just realized that I was "in love" with him long time ago and it was unconsciously, I mean I did not feel it , till I lost him… I do regret it, but I have my own explanation that I already mentioned above…
This is my tragedy, cannot be compared with others', but for me it is a real hurt, that will be always hidden in my heart….
***These honest words are for you (S).. I am really sorry if I hurt u one day, and if I did so, make sure that it was not in purpose.. forgive my childish actions, and my innocent jokes, which were not in the right time or context…
Yours …
****
" catching hope"
hey felicity....
well i just wana say nice blog..its my first time here ...keep it up..
secondly...relationships are weird...but whe it comes to long distance relationships...thats a killer..
i used to study in the UK too...and i just graduated...but before i do...i had alot of problems with my gf..because its different..being together talking is better than on msn ..know what i mean??
anyway i hope things work out for u and S...
Posted by
SpiKeY |
10:43 PM
spikey and orange juice.. thanx dear , u really made me happy when i read ur comments, coz i posted this blog just to type and get things out ... and honestly didnot think that i will have a considrate ppl like u guys,, thanx again and hope to keep in touch,,,
and orange juice,, thanx sis for ur support and understanding,, and about explaining things to him , i think it is too late, coz we are not longer together...
god bless
yours felicity
Posted by
felicityq8 |
1:16 PM
oj , as they always say...ALLAH KREEM..
life is never easy, and u cannot always get what u want, or who u want and love,,,,
welcome to my blog :D
Posted by
felicityq8 |
2:46 PM
If you ever want something badly, let it go. If it comes back to you, then it's yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never yours to begin with.
Posted by
Anonymous |
12:07 PM
well joan,, as i said before , it is my first and only expirence of true love.... and i wasnot aware of it, getting deeper and deeper ...
it is like a slap ,, tellig me to think, decide and choose what is right and wrong,,
thanx hun for ur advice...
and so spiky and orange juice
Posted by
felicityq8 |
3:41 PM
What do you mean the first or the hundred?!! That has nothing to do with the FACT that "YOU ARE INCONTROL" of what you want at least. Show some character here?
Posted by
Anonymous |
12:43 AM
joan,,, i have tried my best just to keep this relationship ,, however the other side didnot.. i have struggelled and fought just to not cut the last line between us, but he didnot...
i couldnot stand being the only side who always never gave up.
and i believe on what u said before, if this person is meant to be for me, he will be ....
thanx for ur support joan :)
Posted by
felicityq8 |
2:35 PM